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However, at a colleague’s small farewell lunch two weeks ago where I was just one of two women, I was unpleasantly surprised.Most of the men (five out of six) started discussing which women in the sales department they’d like to sleep with, joking about planting webcams in the women’s bathroom, responding to advice I suggested about a software problem with “Oh, but you’re a woman, so you don’t know anything about computers, am I right?People may even start coming to you to say “we have X job open, do you know anyone who might be looking?” I would send out a few casual emails to see if other women in the area want to get together for drinks.But start keeping notes of what was said, and when (including saving any emails or voicemails that are misogynistic).There may come a time, either when you’ve been passed over for a promotion or just when You Can’t Take It Anymore, that you want to bring suit.This is such a great, great question, and I can’t wait to see what the readers say.First, let me just say that this doesn’t sound so “casual” to me — the fact that these men were making these comments knowingly in your presence is shocking, and says a lot about the power dynamics at that lunch and in your sector.
After the ex informed me she wanted to split, during an argument over a credit card bill of all things, little could I have imagined how quickly things would change.
What is the best way to respond to casual workplace sexism like this?
I don’t think running to HR would be very effective, especially when it is so endemic – but I also don’t want to ‘grin and bear it’ and give the impression I approve or think it’s funny.
Later in the evening after tempers cooled and we were getting ready for bed I was informed that it would be best if from now on I slept in the extra bedroom – that she believed it was no longer appropriate to sleep together like we had the night before. If someone doesn’t want to be married to you chances are pretty good they don’t want to sleep with you either.
She had flipped the switch and suddenly sleeping with me meant sleeping with the enemy.