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We don’t need to let ourselves get swept away in anger, disappointment, or anything else that hurts. It means we can identify our emotions, sit with them, and then choose to challenge the thoughts that might exacerbate them.
The alternative is to rehash the past in your head—going through everything you wish didn’t happen, how you feel about the fact that it did, what you wish you did or said then, and how much you hope nothing similar ever happens again.
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese In a previous post about forgiveness, I mentioned that I spent years holding onto anger toward someone who hurt me repeatedly years ago.
I eventually realized that forgiving this person was the only way to set myself free.
You may feel that you can only forgive if this person fully acknowledges everything that hurt you and then takes responsibility for all of it.
You may need to go to therapy, either alone or with this person.
Though I knew this relationship could enhance both of our lives, I also knew I needed to be mindful of my expectations, as there are certain things it may never be or provide.
It’s a lot easier to forgive someone for a mistake or series of mistakes if you set clear boundaries for the relationship going forward.
You need to ask yourself if something needs to change in order for you to feel safe and happy in the relationship as it is. Do you need to be clear that certain topics are not open for discussion?
At many points I strongly believed my emotions would consume me, bit by bit, until I was nothing but the memory of my overwhelming, righteous fury.
It’s taken me years to forgive and do my part to transform this relationship because I decided that it was worth saving, but it hasn’t always been easy.